


Remembering You

by Peppermione



Category: The Rook (TV 2019)
Genre: Cause I so wanted them to do this when Myf suggested it, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Memory Loss, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-09-05 21:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20280154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peppermione/pseuds/Peppermione
Summary: Gestalt takes Myfanwy to a few of her favorite spots to help her remember.





	1. The Coffee Shop

**Author's Note:**

> The dialogue from the first part of this story before the break doesn't belong to me. It belongs to The Rook, specifically ep 6.

Myfanwy’s hand taking a hold of Eliza’s felt like a record scratch in Gestalt’s mind. Their focus was sharply pulled away from Monica for a second, but Gestalt stubbornly tried to block Myfawny off. The knowledge that Myfanwy didn’t trust them – didn’t remember them – made them blind with pain. Still, Myfanwy had always had an effect on them, and Gestalt couldn’t fully turn away from her as Eliza focused on her.

“Look, I understand why you’re angry, but something happened today,” Myfanwy was saying with excitement. “I got these flashes. Memories! All tied to an intense emotion- “

“Not now, please,” Gestalt begged through Robert. They wanted to focus on Monica, on forgetting Myfawny if only for a few minutes. But the more she spoke, the harder it became.

“Please!” Myfanwy exclaimed, her hand holding onto Eliza’s just a little tighter as her eyes filled with desperation. “Please, let me finish. The intensity of it… It reminded me of being with you. And-and I thought if we start with that, then maybe I can remember. Please, take me somewhere we used to go – a restaurant, coffee shop. Or maybe I can come to your house!”

Gestalt was ready to decline. It was too late for that.

“I want to remember what we had!” Myfanwy exclaimed and the entire world came to a standstill as all of Gestalt’s attention was pulled towards Myfawny. Even Alex froze completely. 

Myfanwy’s gaze softened as all three Gestalt bodies in the conference room turned towards her. 

“Please. I have to try.”

And even as Ingrid interrupted them and Myfanwy pulled away, even as Alex quickly made excuses and left Monica’s room, Gestalt’s mind was still reeling.

Instinct kicked in, quickly trying to stomp out the blossoming hope in their chests. No. The Myfanwy they knew was gone. Dead.

No. Not dead. Never dead.

\----------------------------------------------------

Myfanwy wouldn’t have blamed Gestalt if they had denied her request. 

They had every right to. They hadn’t been wrong. She had manipulated them, lied to them, and hurt them in the process. Even though it had been for her own survival, there was now a constant weight in the pit of her stomach. Guilt. 

Still, Gestalt surprised her. 

The next morning, Myfanwy stepped outside of her building to find Robert leaning against a nondescript black car, spotting Eliza waiting behind the wheel. She didn’t attempt to mask her surprise as she walked towards him. Robert immediately looked up from the ground as the familiar sound of her heels against the pavement came closer.

“Um, hello. Good morning,” Myfanwy said, trying not to fidget with her purse. Now that the truth about her memory loss was out, she wasn’t sure how to proceed with them.

“Good morning,” Robert answered as Eliza started the car’s engine. 

When Gestalt didn’t elaborate further, Myfanwy couldn’t stop the nervous chuckle that left her lips.

“What are you doing here? Has… has something happened?” She asked, feeling the beginnings of dread in her gut.

Robert quickly shook his head, calming the building storm of concern in her gut.

“Nothing’s happened. Just thought… you might like to go to a coffee shop. With me,” Gestalt answered.

Myfanwy’s eyes were wide as she stared at Robert. Gestalt wanted to go to a coffee shop with her. They wanted to help her try to remember. 

The silence between them as Myfanwy processed their gesture stretched on until Gestalt cracked.

“Or not! We don’t-“

“Yes!” Myfanwy quickly exclaimed. She didn’t want Gestalt to think she was rejecting this offer – rejecting them. She wanted this. “Yes, I would love to go to a coffee shop with you.”

Robert visibly breathed out in relief and gave her a small, shy smile and Myfanwy’s heart felt ten times lighter. Gestalt opened the front passenger seat door and waited for Myfawny to be settled before climbing into the backseat and starting the drive.

“Where are we going?”

“A coffee shop,” Eliza and Robert replied in unison, making Myfanwy smile openly.

“Yeah, alright, but which coffee shop?”

“It’s a small coffee shop near Regent’s Park. You found it by luck one day and you… used to go there every Saturday morning,” Eliza answered after a moment.

Myfanwy glanced at her, noticing the way she tightly gripped the steering wheel. Even though it was clearly difficult for Gestalt, they were still there -- trying. It was the kindest thing anyone had done for Myfanwy since she had been all but reborn on that night on the bridge. 

“Then I’m sure it’ll be great!” Myfanwy said. She didn’t assure them that she would love the place, because she couldn’t. She would not be that cruel to Gestalt.

The drive to the coffee shop was quiet. Myfanwy spent the entire time looking out the window as roads and buildings flew by, trying to remember any memory she could. But nothing came up. The emptiness of her memory began to be almost overwhelming. It was a relief when Eliza pulled up and parked. Not waiting for Robert to open the door for her, Myfanwy got out of the car, looking around with curiosity. The street was familiar, but in the same way as all the streets were familiar to her. 

“It’s just down the street,” Robert informed softly as came to stand next to her. 

She could feel his eyes on her, watching her as she watched everything around them. It was only when Myfanwy started to walk that Gestalt did as well, Eliza on her right and Robert on her left. 

“So, did I come with you, every Saturday?” Myfanwy asked.

“No. You came here most, if not every Saturday. Usually, I tagged along,” Robert replied, and Eliza chuckled to her right.

“Well, if by tagging along you mean I nagged you about getting to come along even though you said you liked to have quiet during your Saturday mornings,” Eliza said, her blue eyes glazed over with fondness as Gestalt lost themselves in a memory Myfanwy did not have.

“But other times…” Robert took over. He tried to mask the break in his voice by taking a deep breath, but it did not fool her. “Other times you came alone.”

Myfanwy wondered just how much Gestalt knew of her former’s self’s trauma and coping mechanisms. Did they know about her anxiety, her pills? Did they know about the little blue box tucked away in her wardrobe? 

Maybe the old Myfanwy had come to this little coffee shop when the weight of the world had become too much in the quiet hours of the morning. Maybe it had been her small way to stop herself from using the blue box and what was inside of it. 

Everyone around her kept insisting that she had been a weak, fragile slip of a girl. But the new Myfanwy was starting to think her former self had been much stronger than anyone had given her credit for. 

A little bell chimed as Robert opened the door of the coffee shop, letting Eliza and then Myfanwy pass. The establishment was tiny and worn, but to her it screamed of warmth and care. No wonder her former self had loved it. It felt like a safe haven away from the coldness of London -- of the insane world she was a part of.  
They stopped in front of the counter. Myfanwy’s heart began to race as she stared at the menu placed on the wall in front of her. What did her former self like? What if she did not like it? Or worse. What if she disappointed Gestalt by not remembering what she liked? Her rising panic must have been readable on her features. 

“You like the vanilla latte and the blueberry scones with butter and jam,” Robert chimed in, stubbornly looking at anywhere but her. 

“But… you can also order whatever you like,” Eliza added in her kind voice.

Myfanwy’s eyes stung as she tried to swallow the lump that formed in her throat. They were letting her choose, giving her the freedom to choose something else – to be someone else -- if she wanted to. Maybe they hoped she would choose what her old self had, but they wouldn’t hold it against her if she didn’t.

“I think… I think I’ll order what I used to. But also, something new. That way I can try all of it,” Myfanwy said, a shy smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

She wasn’t aware she was holding in a breath until she let it go when Robert’s shoulders slumped in relief. 

Gestalt was just as nervous and afraid as she was. 

In the end, Myfanwy settled for both a vanilla latte and a cappuccino, a blueberry scone and an apple scone. She watched with interest as both Robert and Eliza ordered separately and how they ordered different drinks. She knew it was part of the facade of having distinct personalities. Still, it was strange to watch Gestalt divide themselves across such harshly distinct lines when she was aware that they were all just one. 

“Do you actually like different types of coffee?” Myfanwy asked, eyes sparkling with a million questions.

“The illusion of distinct personalities puts other people at their ease,” both Eliza and Robert answered automatically. And while that made sense, it didn’t answer her question.

“Yeah, but do you actually like different drinks?”

There was a pause before Gestalt answered. Myfanwy wondered if they had just expected her not to ask questions, or if maybe her questions weren’t welcome. But how else was she supposed to learn about them?

“I… do prefer cappuccinos,” Eliza answered cautiously, as if revealing a big secret. “And I put a lot of sugar in my espresso.”

“So, you have a sweet tooth?”

“Yes,” Eliza chuckled. “Which I’ve been trying to curb for ages. Before you got the concept of me, at Glengrove, you brought me a cupcake with a little candle for my birthday. And after you realized we are all me, you always brought four cupcakes to the office for my birthday – one for each of me.”

“Did I bake?” Myfanwy asked, surprised. She hadn’t thought her former self was much of a baker.

“Oh, no, you bought them,” Robert said quickly as Eliza snickered a little. “You tried baking once. It… wasn’t one of your talents.”

Myfanwy gave them a faux glare for clearly laughing at her. She took a bite out of her blueberry scone first, taking her time to savor it. 

“What did we usually do for my birthdays, then?” she asked them. Her former self had done everything in her power to introduce her to the world she was in, but very little to introduce herself. And Myfanwy was curious.

“I either gave you books or records as gifts,” Robert answered, taking a sip out of his cup. “Then we either went out for a drink or we had take out in your apartment. You weren’t much for big parties.”

“And I only gave you cupcakes?” Myfanwy asked, a little offended on their behalf. If her former self had really only given them cupcakes while Gestalt had been out there getting her books and music…

“No, of course not,” Robert said quickly. “You gave me all sorts of gifts. Sometimes a necklace for Eliza, or a watch for Teddy.” 

“One time, you gave me a children’s book. Because I never really had the chance to have many of those,” Eliza said. The fondness Gestalt clearly felt for the old Myfanwy was reflected in Eliza’s features. “I still have it.” 

“What book is it?” Myfanwy asked, wondering which children’s book her former self had deemed worthy for Gestalt. 

“‘Where The Wild Things Are’,” Eliza replied. “I could show it to you later if you want.” 

“I… I’d really like that.” 

Myfanwy took a bite out of her apple scone. She took her time, comparing it to the blueberry scone. Gestalt was doing their best to appear nonchalant through Robert as he stared stubbornly ahead at the wall, but Eliza was looking at her expectantly as she ate. 

Gestalt was surprisingly easy to read if you had more than one body in front at the same time. 

She preferred the blueberry scone. 

She was torn on whether to be happy about that fact or not. She wanted to be like her old self, but also leave her behind. It was frustrating, however, that none of the flavors evoked any memories. She needed to remember. 

“Tell me about Glengrove,” Myfanwy begged them, reaching out to touch Robert’s hand. She amended her words after seeing the wild panic rising in his eyes. “Not about the incident. About our time together there. Little stories, anything.” 

Gestalt looked at their joined hands with intensity and Myfanwy started to think she had overstepped when Robert started to speak. 

“I tried to teach you how to throw a punch, once. You hated fight training, so you went running around the compound instead. But I insisted on you knowing at least how to throw a good punch,” he told her, his thumb absentmindedly tracing over her knuckles. He let out a bittersweet chuckle. “You were so bad at it. You closed your eyes and actually took a blind swing at Teddy. Somehow you were so bad you actually hit me and broke my nose.”

Eliza’s giggle was infectious and bright and suddenly Myfanwy was transported to another place. 

_“Promise me! You can't tell him!” Myfanwy said through giggles of her own. She was so excited and happy she was shaking. _

_Eliza was sitting in front of her, smiling as she took a sip of her coke through a straw in the bottle. Little red horns poked out of her white-blonde hair, the tips of it colored the same shade of red as the horns._

_“Why not? Robert won't mind!” Eliza said teasingly, blue eyes sparkling with mirth._

_It made Myfanwy blush. Eliza was the prettiest girl she had ever seen and every time she smiled it made Myfanwy’s brain short circuit for a second. _

_“Eliza!” Myfanwy all but begged._

_But it only made Eliza smile around her straw again, looking every part the little demon._

_“Myfanwy…”_

_“Myfanwy!”_

“Myfanwy!” 

She jumped, the sound of her name pulling her back to the present.

They were still in the little coffee shop and she had not one, but two Gestalt bodies looking at her with concern. Her grip on Robert’s hand was tight. She'd held onto him as an anchor to the present. 

A memory. 

She'd remembered. 

“I… I had a memory!” Myfanwy said with joy. It hadn't been a fluke at her childhood home. She really could make herself remember. “I was with Eliza. And you were dressed as a devil and we were drinking and laughing and… and I remembered!” 

“Myfanwy-” Gestalt started to say through Eliza. 

Myfanwy reached out, taking hold of Eliza’s hand as well. 

“Please, tell me more.”


	2. Camden Lock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the coffee shop, Gestalt takes Myfanwy to Camden Lock. A specific shop catches Myfanwy's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry for the long delay on this one. Don't know what happened! But the next update will not take this long!

Gestalt continued telling her stories of their time together until both her vanilla latte and her cappuccino grew cold.

Myfanwy’s mind was still spinning from all of the vivid feelings and sensations she could almost reach out and grasp. Not all of the stories Gestalt had told her – of Glengrove, of the Checquy, of them – had elicited clear memories, but many had brought out brushes of something. A spark of joy, a fleeting sense of familiarity, a deep warmth at the bottom of her heart. All just close enough to caress her skin before they were gone. 

When Robert opened the door of the coffee shop, the cool wind was a shock to her system that dispersed any lingering traces of memories. She gasped, almost reaching out to try to pull them back only to find Eliza next to her, looking at her with open concern.

“Are you sure you don’t want to head home? It’s already been quite enough-“ Gestalt started again, repeating the start of their argument from not two minutes ago.

“No. No, I want to keep going. Really, I’m fine,” Myfanwy said quickly, brushing them off. She felt so close to getting back something, anything. She couldn’t stop now. What if she stopped and it all disappeared? “What was the next place you had in mind?”

Both Robert and Eliza opened their mouths, clearly to argue. Whatever expression formed on Myfanwy’s features must have deterred them because Gestalt chose to sigh instead.

“Camden Lock is only about a ten-minute walk away,” Eliza said softly. Still, it was voiced as a suggestion, not a decision. Gestalt was letting her decide.

“Camden Lock, then!” Myfanwy said. 

She began a brisk pace without them to show she had made up her mind and there was no way to change it. It was only a few seconds before Gestalt was at her side again. Eliza on her right, Robert on her left. 

The walk along the Regent’s Canal was done in a slightly awkward silence. Myfanwy was too lost in her own thoughts to make much conversation, and she suspected Gestalt was too. They were at an impasse, often not knowing how to talk to the other without it starting another domino effect of emotions. 

The sharp contrast of Camden Lock’s bright yellows, reds and greens against the grey palette of the London afternoon jerked her out of her thoughts. It was like stepping from reality into a dream. Instinctively, Myfanwy reached out and grasped both Eliza’s and Robert’s hand, not wanting to get lost in the large crowd that was already gathered there. She wasn’t sure why the old Myfanwy would have liked coming there. It seemed to be too bright — too loud — for her. But as Myfanwy was slowly learning, her former self hadn’t exactly been meek, and maybe there had still been a spark within her that not even Glengrove had extinguished. 

They walked around for a while as Myfanwy took in the ambiance of the place. She never missed the way Gestalt’s eyes seemed to be drawn to her no matter what was happening around them. There seemed to be no singular destination in mind until she caught a glimpse of bright silk a few shops ahead. She felt a pull in her gut — the very same she had felt towards the garden at the back of her childhood home — and then her feet were rushing her to the small shop. She could barely hear Gestalt’s concerned calls of her name through the heartbeat drumming in her ears when she stopped in front of the shop.

Inside, the shop was filled with rows upon rows of scarves made of different colors, different patterns, different types of materials. She smiled, stepping inside, when she realized Gestalt wasn’t doing the same. Turning around, she found them both standing at the entrance, looking at her with identical mixes of pain and wonder on their features.

“I… I liked to come here, right?” She asked them, eyes moving from Robert to Eliza.

“Yes,” they answered in unison.

“It is — was your favorite place,” added Eliza.

“We used to spend hours trying out different scarfs. We both bought some,” continued Robert as both bodies slowly stepped inside of the shop.

“I have a few, especially for Robert,” finished Eliza.

It was difficult to tear her eyes away from them when they were looking at her with such open hope. Their eyes sparkled like wishing wells and Myfanwy wanted to lose herself in their depths and make a wish. 

Her curiosity pulled her away from Gestalt and towards the racks of scarves. Some were simple, made of one single bright color. Some had creative patterns that caught her eye. And some were downright gaudy, making Myfanwy chuckle in second-hand embarrassment just at the sight of them. She had to touch them just to make sure something so alarmingly colorful could actually be real. Her fingertips brushed against the silk fabrics, the sensation so vivid suddenly she was in another moment.

\-----------------------------

_“Gestalt, please, you have to get this one!” Myfanwy giggled. _

_She hadn’t stopped laughing for almost a full five minutes since she’d found the atrocious scarf. Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes. Teddy was standing in front of her, trying not to look amused, but the tilt of his lips gave Gestalt away. His intimidating aura was sharply undercut by the horrendous orange and brown scarf Myfanwy insisted on placing around his neck. _

_“Myf, Teddy is a winter, not an autumn,” Gestalt tried to reason with her._

_Myfanwy’s brows furrowed in confusion._

_“What’s that even mean?”_

_“It means I have a reputation and I can’t show up with this at the office,” Gestalt said smoothly, visibly itching to get the scarf off of them._

_“Then don’t wear it to the office. Just get it for me,” she said, shrugging as if it was nothing._

_Teddy’s eyes softened in a way that made her stomach flip. Warmth spread all over her body to the tips of her fingertips as their eyes met. It reminded Myfanwy of the rush her EVA produced in her body, but softer. Safer._

_Teddy looked away and chuckled, shaking her head. She could have sworn she heard him say “I’m fucking whipped” underneath his breath, but there was no way to be certain._

_“Fine,” Gestalt grumbled, and Myfanwy’s laughter rang through the shop like bells. _

\------------------------------

Myfanwy blinked against the bright colors of the scarfs in front of her, drawn away from the vivid memory by Eliza’s hand on her shoulder and the feeling of wool against her fingertips instead of silk. 

“Myf? Are you okay?” Eliza asked her, voice full of concern. It was only when she turned her gaze towards her that Gestalt relaxed. “You were moving around like a zombie, all zoned out. You alright? Did you get another memory?”

“Something like that…” Myfanwy said, still dazed by the warm sensation the memory had produced. She could feel it all the way to her fingertips still. 

“Alright, I think you’ve had enough for today,” Robert said, gently taking hold of her hand to tug her towards the exit. 

Myfanwy didn’t argue with them. The memories overwhelmed her almost to the point of dizziness, much like the ones she’d experienced at her old home had. It was difficult and exhausting to keep them under control, to not give into them as if they were part of the present too.

A hint of familiar orange and brown fabric caught her eye as Gestalt tugged her towards the exit. It nagged at the back of her head even as they left the shop and stepped onto the street, even as they walked away. 

“Wait,” Myfanwy said suddenly, acting on pure instinct —second nature to her at this point. “Wait here just a sec.”

Her feet were already moving back towards the store.

She had to make sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm evil : )
> 
> Next chapter coming up soon!

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I live for your comments! Please R&R!


End file.
